Honey and Vinegar
by Saadia Mirage
Summary: Upset by Yuuri's feelings about their engagement, Wolfram decides to take some brotherly advice and win Yuuri's heart however he can. WolframxYuuri
1. Bees and Salad Dressing

Title: Honey and Vinegar  
Author: Saadia Mirage  
Rating: G  
Pairing: Wolfram x Yuuri, sorta Konrad Yuuri  
Genre: Romance, humor, character interaction  
Chapter: Oneshot most likely - though a continuation is possible.  
Comments: Upset by Yuuri's feelings about their engagement, Wolfram retreats to a seculded part of the castle gardens. There he encounters some brotherly advice.  
  
----  
  
Someone was coming. Were they looking for him? Maybe Yuuri...?  
  
Branches were pulled aside and someone stepped into the hidden clearing. "Wolfram?" He called.  
  
The blond boy blanched. "Oh, it's you."  
  
"Aa. It is I." Konrad answered, with a smile.  
  
"What do you want?" The boy sneered.  
  
"Well, you seemed upset after dinner."  
  
"..." Wolfram looked away.  
  
"Is it about what Heika said?" Konrad asked.  
  
Wolfram turned sharply. "It's none of your business!" He spat.  
  
Konrad was unmoved. "But it is." He said, "My King and younger brother are upset. Should I not try to help them?"  
  
"Don't call me your brother!"  
  
"Well, then. My fellow knight?" He conceded.  
  
Wolfram frowned at him hard, but Konrad didn't seem discouraged in the slightest.  
  
Finally, Wolfram sighed. "Yuuri is an idiot."  
  
Konrad ambled over to sit beside him on the short wall overlooking the rest of the courtyard garden. "Why do you say this? His majesty only wants the best for everyone. I know he is still ignorant of some of the workings of this world, but he is studying everyday to become a better Maou..."  
  
Wolfram shook his head. "That's not what I mean. He's doing fine, better than anyone ever thought he would. Even I can admit that... Because I'm so surprised. Though he is too trusting."  
  
"Ah, you think so?"  
  
"He's too... nice. To everyone. Even the people who want to kill him!! Isn't that idiotic?"  
  
"Well, it is out-of-the-ordinary. But this... This isn't what is really bothering you about him is it?"  
  
Wolfram's frown deepened and he turned away. "Weller, this is the last conversation I want to be having with someone like you."  
  
Konrad was still smiling. "Why is that?"  
  
"Because Yuuri loves you, that's why!!" The boy exploded, jumping to his feet.  
  
Konrad blinked.  
  
Wolfram was brandishing his fist at him, seething with anger.  
  
Konrad started laughing.  
  
Wolfram turned bright red. "Weller! How dare you laugh at me! THIS IS NOT FUNNY!" He yelled.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry! It's just... I didn't expect you to be so... Outright about it."  
  
"And what is that supposed to mean?!"  
  
The man held up his hands in surrender. "Oii, calm down, calm down! We can duel later if that's what you truly want, but I want to tell you something first."  
  
Wolfram stood stiffly, but his fist lowered a bit. "What is it?"  
  
"I know that Heika loves me. And the truth is that I love him as well."  
  
Wolfram looked like he was going to either be sick or commit murder. Possibly both.  
  
Konrad continued hurriedly. "But it is not the way you fear! You see, Heika and I get along well because I have been to his world, and he can confide in me about things that maybe others wouldn't understand. And I have been looking after him since he was a newborn. He is in my care, and it gives me joy to see what a wonderful Maou and man he is becoming." He explained. "But you see, the way I love Heika and the way you love him are different."  
  
Wolfram's fury was slowly being replaced with confusion. "Weller, you're not talking any sense! Quit trying to reason out this... this incestuous adultery!" He insisted.  
  
Kondrad bit back another bout of laugher. "You misunderstand! You see, I do love Heika, as his caretaker and advisor and close friend. But I am not in love with him, romantically."  
  
Wolfram's fist dropped back to his side. "Eh?"  
  
"There are many different types of love. There is the kind between friends, family, and lovers. Would you not say that there is a difference between the way Mother loves us and the way she loved our fathers?"  
  
Wolfram made a face. "I worry about that sometimes."  
  
"Well, maybe she is a bad example. Well, Günter also loves his majesty...But... No, that's no good either..." Konrad mused.  
  
"I get it, I get it. I'm not stupid or a child." Wolfram growled, exasperated. "But it still doesn't change the fact that Yuuri loves you... And..."  
  
Konrad smiled at him again. "You think that he does not feel anything for you?"  
  
Wolfram shot him a look, face burning.  
  
Konrad let his smile fade for a moment, replacing it with a look of kind seriousness. "Look Wolfram... Heika does care about you."  
  
"Aa. He 'cares' about everyone! That's the problem! He doesn't even give me a second thought, even though I'm his fiancée, he doesn't look at me any different than any one else!" Wolfram cried, hoping that the older man hadn't heard the crack in his voice.  
  
If he did, Konrad didn't mention it.  
  
Wolfram continued miserably. "He 'cares' about you more than he does about me, even if it isn't..."  
  
"Well..." Konrad said clearing his throat, "There is a saying from the world that Heika comes from: 'You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.'"  
  
Wolfram squinted at him in confusion. "Weller, you idiot, I don't want to catch flies! I want to-"  
  
"The saying's meaning is this: 'Kindness is an attractive force.'" Konrad interrupted, holding up a finger.  
  
Wolfram blinked. "Ehh?"  
  
"What I mean to say is, that maybe you should be easier on Yuuri." The older man explained.  
  
Wolfram was indignant. "Go easy on that wimpy cheater?!"  
  
"See? You insult him even when he isn't around." He put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Wolfram. You know that Yuuri would never do something to hurt you, or anyone. He is an honest Maou."  
  
The boy frowned up at the smiling man, then sighed and sat back down on the garden wall. "I know. But that's why..."  
  
"If you truly cared about His Majesty, you would trust him. And you wouldn't push yourself on him."  
  
"I haven't been--!"  
  
Konrad raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Okay, maybe I have been a little... forceful in my affections. But otherwise he wouldn't even notice me!"  
  
"I don't think that's true Wolfram. Your face is very hard to miss."  
  
"Yuuri would. He wouldn't even care if I decided to forget about the whole fiancée thing. In fact, he'd probably be happy!"  
  
"Well, I know that's not so. It's true that Heika isn't exactly enthusiastic about the wedding plans, as he expressed over the dinner table, but he knows that it is important to you. Therefore, if you were unhappy about it, so would he be."  
  
But Wolfram had gone into bitter self-loathing mode.  
  
"I'm nothing to him. He hates me. He can't even stand to face towards me in bed."  
  
"Heika is still young, Wolfram. Not even sixteen. Where he comes from, this sort of relationship is unusual. Of course he would be uncomfortable when thrown into one. He is still very confused about what he is feeling. But I know he does not hate you. In fact, I know that he cares for you very much."  
  
"And how do you know that?" Wolfram muttered.  
  
"Well, he is the one who sent me to find you."  
  
Wolfram opened his mouth to say something, but stopped and was silent. He stared at the ground as if it held the answers to life's great mysteries.  
  
Konrad continued. "Actually, he wanted to find you himself, but I asked him if I could instead."  
  
Wolfram looked up. "... Really?"  
  
"Yes. He realized what he said had made you upset and he wanted to apologize. But Heika... Sometimes he does not know how to choose his words well."  
  
Wolfram sighed again. "He is a wimp."  
  
Konrad laughed again. "I have an idea. Perhaps there is a way you can understand His Majesty better. But you're going to have to be prepared."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"You really want Yuuri to fall in love with you, right?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"So you should make an effort to do nice things for him. Say nice things. Maybe get him a gift?"  
  
"I tried that. I painted-"  
  
"Maybe something that is more suited to him. Something special."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"I'm not sure. It's your job to find out."  
  
"How am I supposed to do that?!"  
  
"Find out more about him, Wolfram. Talk to him, learn more about his world, his family, his hobbies. Surely these are things a lover would want to know about."  
  
"... It's true that I don't know much about this... Earth."  
  
"Right. And you can see how Heika is making such an effort to understand our world... I'm sure he would appreciate if you did the same for his."  
  
"Aa. Perhaps you are right, Sir Weller. But I... I wouldn't know where to even start."  
  
"Oh, well then. I have some books from Earth. When I was studying to pass through the worlds to watch over the birth of the Maou, I made a lot of notes and things. Maybe this would be helpful."  
  
Wolfram looked uncertain, but there was a hopeful glint in his eye. "I... I could borrow them from you?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
"And this...philosophy ... about bees and salad dressing?"  
  
"That's honey and vinegar." Konrad corrected.  
  
"Right. Maybe I'll try that out a bit."  
  
"It is a good plan." Konrad smiled. 


	2. Studying Up

Title: Honey and Vinegar - chapter 2 "Studying Up"  
Author: Saadia Mirage  
Rating: G, probably will get up to PG-13 or a little more, eventually  
Pairing: Wolfram x Yuuri, sorta Konrad Yuuri  
Genre: Romance, humor, character interaction  
Chapter notes: I decided to continue. This is sort of a taste of things to come.

----

It was several days later when Murata Ken wandered into the library as had become his weekly habit. He was surprised to find his usual reading table (the one by the window over-looking the garden courtyard) already occupied.

He leaned over the wall of books to see whom it was sheltering.

"Sir von Biefield?"

Wolfram jumped at the voice, nearly causing an avalanche. "Great Sage!"

Murata chuckled at bit at this reaction. Wolfram had been so intent on whatever he had been reading he had not even noticed his approach.

"Doing some research, are we?" He asked.

Wolfram suddenly looked quite embarrassed, closing the book quickly. "S-something like that."

Before Murata had been only minimally interested but now his curiosity was rising.

"May I ask as to what – ?" He began, reaching for a book on top of the pile.

Wolfram made a daring leap and somehow managed to snatch it out of his grasp. This, of course, sent the rest of the books pouring off onto the floor.

"… Are you all right, Sir von Beifield?" Murata asked cautiously, after the dust had settled.

"I'm perfectly all right." Came the muffled reply.

"Would you like some help—"

"No, no. I'm fine. I can handle it." He said in a clipped tone as he emerged from the wreckage. "You can continue with your business. I'll clean this up and be out of your way as soon as possible."

Murata raised an eyebrow, but smiled and shrugged. "If you insist. I'll be off then."

"Yes. Good day."

"Good day."

Murata continued down the book aisles until he came to a section that was nearly empty.

He raised his hand to his chin thoughtfully, glasses glinting. After a moment, he smiled slowly.

As he strode back towards the library doors, his own reading material clutched at his hip, he turned briefly back to where Wolfram was hefting stacks back onto the table.

"You know, Sir von Biefield," He began, "I did live in the Earth Human world for fifteen years of my life. If you really want to know about their customs so badly, I'd be glad to be of help."

Wolfram staggered backwards a bit, nearly toppling another pile of books.

---

TBC...


	3. The Way to a Man's Heart

Title: Honey and Vinegar

Author: Saadia Mirage

Pairing: Wolfram x Yuuri, sorta Konrad Yuuri

Genre: Romance, humor, character interaction

Chapter Three: The Way to a Man's Heart

---

Yuuri sat at his desk, pen in hand, but unmoving. There was a stack of papers in front of him waiting to be signed, but his mind was wandering. He was staring vaguely out the window at the castle turrets on the other side of the courtyard. He could hear the drills going on below his window, perhaps lead by Konrad, but he could not see them. The sun was shining and the sky was blue. A perfect day for baseball.

He sighed.

There was a knock at the door, and Gunter entered looking puzzled.

"Your majesty?"

"Hmm? Oh. Hey Gunter... Another proposal come in?"

"Oh, no... Not yet." He said, closing the door behind him. He stared at the doorknob thoughtfully.

"Is something bothering you, Gunter?"

"Oh, I am fine Heika! Thank you for your concern!" He said, turning around and beaming at the boy. "I was just a little curious... Do you know what Wolfram and The Great Sage are up to?"

Yuuri blinked. "Wolfram and Murata? I haven't seen either of them since breakfast."

"I saw both of them carrying stacks of books from the library." Gunter mumbled thoughtfully, hand at his chin. "When I asked what they were studying, Wolfram nearly bit my head off."

Wolfram biting people's heads off for no reason wasn't particularly out of the ordinary, but studying with Murata Ken? Yuuri hadn't thought the two of them even really got a long that well. Perhaps he was mistaken.

"I have no idea, Gunter." He said, shrugging. "Though I bet we'll find out soon enough."

Gunter gave the door one last concerned look, before switching into schoolteacher mode. "Speaking of studying, I thought today we could go over the main imports and exports of the kingdom and the surrounding areas."

"Sounds fascinating." Yuuri said lamely.

"Oh, indeed it is!" Gunter said happily, completely missing the sarcasm. As he went to the wall to pull down the correct maps, Yuuri gave the clear blue sky outside another wistful look.

---

"First lesson." Murata Ken said, standing in front of the board, chalk in hand.

Usually this room was used for battle or trade route planning, but today it was "Human Courting 101" with Professor Murata.

Wolfram sat sulkily at the table, books and paper and quill spread out in front of him. He reluctantly dipped the quill into the inkpot and made ready to take notes.

"First some guidelines." Murata begain, "Courtesy is always a good idea. In the old days, back on Earth, there was a concept called Chivalry. This was an idea that women are fragile creatures that men must protect and adore, but never sully. Of course, times have changed and many find this sort of attitude a bit condescending. But many also find it considerate when men do polite things for them – such as opening doors and letting them pass though first, or sliding out their chair when they are to be seated. These things are still considered romantic."

Wolfram began to write slowly. "Opening doors... Pulling out chairs..."

"Humans also have what is called "dating" where one person approaches another and asks if they would like to accompany them on an outing. This outing is called a "date" - because it is planned before hand for a specific time. The couple will meet, often with one person coming to pick up the other at their place of residence. Then they will share dinner or some other activity, enjoy each other's company, then part. Another important part of a date is the end. When one person drops off another, it is customary after the couple is comfortable with each other, to give one and other a 'goodnight kiss.' And, if both parties are willing, the date may even end in the bedroom!"

Wolfram was scribbling furiously, now. "Date... Kiss... Bedroom..."

Murata grinned. He really was rather enjoying himsed. He turned and began to write on the board, chalk squeaking. "There is a Earth Human saying that goes – fill in the blank now – 'The way to a man's heart is through his...' What?"

Wolfram looked clueless. "Through his sternum?" He supplied.

"No, no... We're speaking metaphorically here. Though, it is a part of the body."

"Through... His nose?" Wolfram tried again, trying to think out of the box.

"Nope, wrong again!"

"I certainly hope you're not suggesting something perverse!" Wolfram said, sitting back and crossing his arms. Not that he would personally be adverse to something a little risque... But it seemed a bit early in the lessons to resort to that sort of thing. Plus, the nightgown didn't seem to work on Yuuri, anyway.

Murata laughed. "No, not that! The answer is: his stomach!"

"His stomach??" Wolfram repeated, confused.

"Yes. It means that feeding a man is a way to get into his good graces. You get it?"

"You're saying I should try and seduce him with... Food?"

"Exactly! Earth Humans value a good meal above many things. If you can feed a man, he'll stick with you through and through."

"Are you sure about this? Food? It doesn't seem very romantic to me."

"Oh, on the contrary. On Earth, there is actually an entire holiday devoted to lovers exchanging sweet foods. It's called St. Valentine's Day. In Japan, where His Majesty is from, it is customary for hopeful girls to give the object of their affection handmade chocolate. There is nothing more romantic and delicious than receiving food made with a young girl's love!"

Wolfram looked thoughtful. He wrote a few lines quickly on his paper. He looked up. "What about the guys?"

"One month later on White Day a man is supposed to return the gift. White Day is exclusive to Japan, however. In the Western World, men and women both exchange gifts on Valentine's Day. It doesn't always have to be food, but it's part of the custom. Chocolate especially. There is also the common gift of flowers or jewlery – though that something that Mazoku custom shares."

Wolfram nodded. "Food, huh...?"

---

Sometime later he found himself in the kitchens, feeling a bit overwhelmed.

"Whatcha doin?"

Wolfram started, looking across the kitchen table to where the curly-haired head of his adopted daughter peeked over the opposite edge, her eyes wide and curious.

"Ah, Greta... You startled me." He said, smiling in relief it was her and not anyone else. He reached for her. "Come here and I'll show you."

She smiled and bounced over to him, crawling into his lap. She looked down at the book laid out in front of him, and the several utensils laid on the table.

"You're... going to cook?" She asked, skeptically.

"Indeed."

"You are?" She asked, incredulous now.

He frowned at little. He had been hoping for a bit more enthusiasm about the idea. "Why not?"

"Have you ever cooked before?" She asked boldly.

He felt slightly deflated. "Well, no. But this book has some pretty thorough instructions. People cook all the time. It can't be that difficult."

"Can I help?" She asked.

He smiled down at her. "Of course you may."

"What are we cooking?"

"I haven't decided yet. Perhaps you can help me with that first..."

"Sure! You should make a cake!" She offered readily.

He scratched his head and flipped through the book to the table of contents. There were quite a few types listed. "Cake, huh... What sort of cake?"

"Chocolate of course!"

"Is that what Yuuri likes, you think?"

"Who doesn't like chocolate?" She asked.

"Well... That's true. It's just that I wanted to make him something special. But I'm a bit stumped."

Murata had mentioned that chocolate was part of the Earth Human custom, but he was still a bit hesitant. Did Yuuri even like sweet foods? He had to admit he had never really noticed his eating habits...

"Why are you cooking for Yuuri, anyway?" Greta asked curiously, "Don't Doria and Lasagna and Sangria usually do that?"

"Ah... Well. Apparently there is an Earth human saying..." He started, feeling a little silly. But this was just Greta. He didn't need to feel embarrassed if it was her. "Something like... 'the way to make a man love you is to put food in his stomach'..."

"Oh! I see." She said, nodding sagely. "You're trying to seduce him."

He started. "Where in the world did you pick up the word 'seduce'?!" He sputtered.

"Huh? Oh... I think it was Ms. Cheri."

"Mother. I should have known." Wolfram sighed. "I think I might have to have a chat with her."

"It means you want to get him to kiss you, right?" Greta said, grinning.

Wolfram hesitated. "I guess you could say that, yes."

"Wow! This is a great plan! I would kiss anybody if they gave me a cake!" She said cheerfully.

Wolfram made a mental note for future reference to never allow her to date any men in the culinary field.

"Well, let's get started then, shall we?"

"Yeah!"

He turned to the page indicated in the listing. He read over the ingredients carefully, and felt himself break into a sweat.

"Uhm... What's shortening?" He asked. "And a... a 'Tsp'?"

"You know, maybe I should get Doria to help us." Greta mumbled.

"Good idea."

---

TBC...

Next chapter: Trial and Error


End file.
